at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Congratulations! We have a period
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
