I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
