My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
