I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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