You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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