Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize