Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
