everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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