We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
