just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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