Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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