she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
