smell my finger.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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