sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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