the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
