I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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