i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
