And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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