i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All I want is dick and wine.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
