he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
