3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
