I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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