Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
