My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
