I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize