I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
