Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
