Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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