Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
