Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
