TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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