At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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