I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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