I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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