yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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