Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize