we have pet lesbian snakes
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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