I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
