We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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