my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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