had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
