Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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