Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
