Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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