if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
