i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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