I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
