I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Drunk is not a location!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
