I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
