Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
