last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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