A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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