Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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