As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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