you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
