She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
