sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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