I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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