so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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