It was confusing and full of hummus
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
