just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
