you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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