idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
