Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
