If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
