The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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