I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
