The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
