you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
