break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
