you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
