When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
