Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
