im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
