I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize