Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize