My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
