I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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