we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
