maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize