oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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