I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Boobs speak an international language.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
