HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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