I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
