By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
