Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
