Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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