Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
