She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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