When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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