You made me cry and you don't even care
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
