i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
