I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
