I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
