The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize